Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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