i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
