Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
