my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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