I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
