guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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