im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
