How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
