I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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