Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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