Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
