my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
