I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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