Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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