You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
