then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
