I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
