I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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