I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
