Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
