i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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