im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
