i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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