Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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