you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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