we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize