I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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