I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
