It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
