A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize