Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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