Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
