Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
