Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
