we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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