stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
