The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
