I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
