Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
