Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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