3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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