Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
