SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
