last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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