I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
