My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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