so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
