If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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