He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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