I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
