I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
