Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
