It's Friday. Sex?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just google imaged poop.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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