Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
