is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i think my cat just said my name.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
