Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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