i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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