we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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