New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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