One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
