Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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