FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
