No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
