i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
