I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
