she smelled like a LAN party
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
