I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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