Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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