Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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