I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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