Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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