Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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