I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Less talking, more tequila
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
