You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
