Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
