I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
