Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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