Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
